newpageone.com

Guess what, America?  Amid all of the parades, pool parties, and fireworks displays, there’s a party going down in one of the happiest corners of the Earth, New York’s Coney Island.  Just like last year, I’m going to do my best to caputre the event as I see it.  Can Joey Chestnut continue to do his nation proud on her 234th birthday, or will a new champion rise?

Fun fact: 669.25 hot dogs were eaten in total by all of last year’s competitors.

Hail to the King.

11:58:  Started this.  SportsCenter is showing the first of the pre-game material.  Joey Chestnut is, of course, the favorite, and they showed him limbering up by massaging his esophagus.  Have you EVER heard someone talk about massaging an esophagus?  Anyway, seems that Kobayashi is NOT going to be competing this year.  Something tells me that this is a fake-out.  Then again, I refused to believe that Eddie Guerrero was dead and I thought it was all a ruse to bring him back at WrestleMania.  Then he’d have come out in the middle of the thing and go up to whoever he was feuding with at the time and go, “Thought I was dead, right?  Well guess what, homes?  I lieeeeed!”  That never happened, he was actually dead.  But I digress.

12:03:  Kobayashi is at a “labor impass” with the competitive eating people.  Seeing how much they’re talking about this, I think they’re working up to a last minute swoop-in by Kobayashi.  They just had a graphic comparing Michael Phelps’ daily intake to Joey’s 68 dogs from last year.  Joey ate more than twice the calories Mike did.

12:07:  Heinz is, once again, sponsoring this shindig.  Last week I received the greatest interpretation of the “no ketchup” rule.  “Never put pureed tomato on pureed meat.” – Caitlin Sullivan

12: 11:  The guys and gals just got off the bus.  I love that they get a police escort.  Joey looks confident as ever, but not cocky.  This crowd is absolutely enormous.  I thought last year was huge, but this is ridiculous.  And they brought vuvuzelas.  Tim Janus and Pat Bertoletti are my picks as Joey’s real competition.

12:15:  ESPN 3D ad.  Can you imagine this event in 3D?  I’d rather not.

12:17:  I missed the number to text whether you think the record will fall today.  I think it will, because I think it’s been broken every year for the last five or six years.  Oh, there’s a graphic… It’s pretty close to it.  I guess two years ago there was a dip, probably because of the legendary “eat off.”

12:19:  Piece on eating techniques.  ”Tokyo Style” vs. “The Bean Bag.”  Tokyo Style is when you separate the bun and the dog, dunking the bun while you chow the dog.  Remember, you can only dunk for five seconds.  I’d hate to have a controversial dunking penalty stand in the way of a new record, like a close call at first on the 27th out of a perfect game.  Bean Bag is when you do the jump-up-and-down thing Joey does.

12:23:  There’s a new guy by the name of Bob Shoudt who has apparently beaten Joey a few times in the past year (in other events, not hot dogs).  Intriguing.  He doesn’t look like a threat, though.

12:25:  The eaters will be making their way down “The Gauntlet” on their way to the stage this year, getting up close and personal with the fans.  Very nice.  I just hope they all get escorts so as not to slow things down.  This shit’s got a schedule to keep.

12:30:  I hear Thomas Dolby, and that means it’s time to start introducing the competitors.  Crazy Legs Conti looks like he’s just happy to be there.  Dude’s not in it to win it anymore, but without him, it just wouldn’t feel the same.  Some guy with a mannequin head.  Badlands Booker is already sweating through his shirt.  I love how they make Sonya “Black Widow” Thomas out to be evil.  Fran says “This is the only time she eats, I think.”  Pat Bertoletti is awesome.  Tim Janus is ready.  Joey is looking pumped, “Baba O’Reilly” once again.  That belt gets nicer every year.  Looks like it’s actually worth something now.  The crowd is going NUTS.  This is going to be nothing short of epic.

12: 42:  Kobayashi is in the crowd!  I feel like they’re coaxing him out of there.  He looks like he’s going to an AFI concert.

12:43:  UNDERWAY!  Joey is just going for it right out of the gate.  Crazy Legs is wearing the Snorricam this time.  Joey is in the lead after a minute by 3.  Now 4.  Janus is doing a helluva job.  Black Widow’s technique requires a warning before they cut to her, I think.  2. 5 minutes in, Joey’s still got the lead.  Sonya’s closing in on the top 3.  Bertoletti’s pacing himself but he hasn’t been in the running thus far.  Joey’s doing 7.5 DPM (Dogs Per Minute) right now.  Bertoletti’s in 3rd after 4 minutes.  Looks very very hot down there, hope this doesn’t pose a problem.  Joey’s slowing down a bit.  Not on pace for 70 halfway through… but he could still pull it off.  Kobayashi is still looking intense in the crowd.  Those judges are right in the blow-zone.  Joey’s got a 9 dog lead on Janus with 4 minutes to go.  He’s just plowing through.  Janus is doing his best… maybe a little too good.  Some just came out of his nose.  Shake it off, Tim!  Lots of chants for Joey.  About a minute to go, and it’s no contest.  Joey just needs to coast.  ”Barring a reversal” he’ll walk away with it.  Wait, there he goes!  He’s bringing it on home!  It’s over!

12:53:  Joey starts chugging the Pepto.  Gotta say, without Kobayashi, this was kind of boring.  No head-to-head, down-to-the-wire action.  Final tally gives Joey 54, Janus 45, and Bertoletti 37.

12:57:  Post-meal interview,  Joey says he didn’t drink enough water and he was feeling a little dehydrated.  On Kobayashi: “If he was a real man, he’d be on the stage.”  OH SNAP.  You gonna take that, Kobayashi?  Are you?

Well, good show all around, but it was missing that edge-of-your seat feeling.  But where else can you do this?  Where but in America?  Nowhere.

EDIT:  Kobayashi was arrested after the competition!  Go check it out for yourself. He still has that Gary Oldman in The Fifth Element look to him.

Now that ESPN’s broadcast of The Kobe Show (aka their coverage of the NBA Finals) is over, the American sports world can turn their eyes to the World Cup.  I know that most of my readers really don’t care about soccer, but I’ve seen a change in the way people look at the game in recent years.  There’s a long way to go, but I really think that Americans are getting more and more interested.  Or at least they’re thinking about it.

It’s understandable why soccer doesn’t really get people going here.  It’s different.  For one, It’s straightforward.  The object, of course is simple, but the way things are approached are free of unnecessary trappings.  You just can’t touch the ball with your hand and you can’t take the ball while offside (for advanced fans only).  We’ve put many silly rules into American sports, and as fans, we have an encyclopedic knowledge of them.  See: the Three Second Rule in basketball, or anything the NFL invents during the offseason to make the next version of Madden more than just a roster update.

Another thing that I love about the game is the way things flow.  It’s very similar to baseball in the respect that when you go to or watch a soccer match,  you are in for an experience that requires you to see it from beginning to end.  It’s like a play or a movie.  You’ve got the first act, an intermission, and then a second act.  You have no real stoppages; the clock is always ticking (upwards, mind you) so you know that there’s an actual 90 or so minutes to be played, without breaks.  It makes American sports look like clip shows.  I’m not saying soccer is superior or something, I’m just saying… it’s different.  And that’s part of why I love it.

Donovan: Stylin' on you.

So here in the World Cup, you’ve got the American team fighting for more than just respect.  Watching Team USA play so far this tournament I’ve seen a team that is fully capable of going deep in the knockout stages.  Their tactics are sound, they take risks that end up paying off, and they trust one another.  Barring bad luck calls here and there (the recalled goals against Slovenia and Algeria, primarily), they’ve actually played better than most teams in the tournament.

The great thing about all of this is that it shows that the United States Soccer Federation’s hard work is paying off.  In 1994, when we hosted the World Cup, the USSF kicked off a plan that would theoretically culminate in the US winning the World Cup in 2010.  On the way, the MLS was created, soccer academies sprung up across the nation, and a few recognized world-class players have emerged.  Last summer, we defeated the European champions from Spain and nearly defeated Brazil in the Confederations Cup.  The face of the American program, Landon Donovan, has finally settled into his role as the leader and sparkplug of the team.  Look no further than yesterday’s emotional game and group winning goal to see how far we’ve come.  I’m getting a feeling like this is the 1980 Olympic hockey team all over again.

And one more thing… the finalists in the last World Cup, France and Italy, have not qualified for the Round of 16.  With that and the fact that England and Germany play one another right out of the gate, the new Impossible Dream could indeed come true.

Larry Hasenfus is a former North Brookfield selectman and someone I am always proud to call a friend.  So imagine how excited I was to see this ESPN article posted via Facebook tonight.

Click on Larry to see him at ESPN.com!

It’s a great article with some video, too.  Go give it a look!

Do not test The Bear.

I guess that I’m a lucky guy, being someone who has two beloved hockey teams that are both in the playoffs.  The Bruins have managed to stumble up to sixth place in the conference.  This is good stuff.  I guess it gives us a chance of at least getting to the second round, although Buffalo seems to be blessed once again with an otherworldly goalkeeper in the form of Ryan Miller.  The series should be a good one, but the rest of the conference competition is pretty steep.  Should be just another bad springtime trip for the Black and Gold.  At least we should get a killer draft pick, that’s all I really think the team needs.

Oh, yeah, I mentioned that I had two teams in the race.  Well, that wouldn’t be the same race, really, seeing as how it’s the Worcester Sharks.  I saw them clinch the division in person on Saturday night.  They played damn well; the defense was tight and there was nothing but hustle on offense.  It was a real flip from the only other game I saw this year, which was the home opener.  They played pretty badly that night.  I’m thinking they’re headed for the finals if Alex Stalock can build on his 40 wins.

I forget where else I was going with this.  Lost is coming on soon, so I’m a little distracted.  I guess I was just looking for an excuse to post that video… so sue me.

I’m the kind of sports fan who wishes that ESPN 8 (the Ocho) was an actual channel.  I love learning about sports I didn’t even know existed.  As long as there’s at least two people competing for some sort of trophy, I’m probably going to watch.  That’s why the Olympics are great, and it’s the winter games that I enjoy the most.  Sure, there’s plenty more stuff to see at the summer games, but I’m more about the idea of pushing yourself to the limit in the cold and ice than in nice sunny weather.  Don’t believe me?  Well, here’s my top five winter Olympic events.

I find this photo slightly arousing.

For one, the biathlon is a sport that I’m especially fond of.  I love to watch all of the cross-country skiing events, but I usually find myself saying, “You know what this race needs?  Guns.”  And BAM, there you have it, the biathlon.  I first learned about this sport from the classic C64 game, Winter Games from Epyx and I was stunned.  Who thought this up?  Wasn’t there a James Bond movie that started with Sean Connery jumping out of a helicopter onto a ski-slope?  Was it even Connery?  Well, it was thought up by the Norwegian army.  Good thinking.  After all, how are you going to defend yourself against invading Swedes?

Speed skating is another fave.  My first Olympic memory is seeing it during the ‘88 games.  I might’ve even seen Dan Jansen wipe out.  I just thought it was cool as hell to see someone skate so fast with what seemed to be minimal effort.  These days, the short track is what gets me pumped.  It’s like rollerball or something.  In my experience, making a sport faster and smaller in scale will usually make it better in some ways.  Look at arena football.  Yeah, I said it.

"No shotgun, you're all sitting in the backseat. Stop kicking your brother."

Fast pace is a recurring theme at the winter Olympics.  Try the bobsled.  It combines the luge (which I think is stupid, whether someone died last week or not) and soapbox derby racing (which I think is awesome), and adds a teamwork element.  You end up getting a sport that’s just dangerous enough to think “Those guys are crazy” but in a sled that looks like a nuclear submarine.

TOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAAA

Downhill skiing is the best kind of skiing, whether you’ve got guns or not, but if pressed, I’d say that it’s the slalom that I love the most.  Nobody did it better than the immortal Alberto Tomba, and he’d be the first to tell you.  These days, though, the skiers fly down the hill so fast that I wonder how a human being can go that fast on snow and ice and not die every single time.  Bode Miller wipes out a lot in the Olympics, but he stays alive, so I guess that has to be worth something.

And of course, I’m sure you could guess what my favorite thing about the winter Olympics is…

Do you believe in a career in motivational speaking? YES!

I love da hockey, and when da hockey is good, I ain’t complainin’.  I can understand when people still grumble about keeping the Olympics as an “amateurs only” competition, but let’s be honest.  If the NBA is allowed to send the Dream Team to the games to (more often than not) destroy the competition every four years, then other team sports should get to do it, too.  Since the NHL has been allowing its best players to represent their countries, there’s been no doubt about who’s got the most talent.  The league didn’t even bother to have an All Star Game this season.  Why have one game with two teams when you could have several teams play for two weeks… in Vancouver, of all places!  From where I’m standing, I’m thinking that the final four this time around will be the U.S.A., Canada, Russia, and Sweden.  After that, who knows, but if the Americans keep playing like they did against Canada the other night, we might have another miracle on our hands.

I’m Morgan Freeman for Visa, and I’ll see you… at the games.

The last time I posted about the Bruins, they had just won the Winter Classic in exciting fashion and were looking to start a second-half push to the playoffs.  A month later, key players went down with injuries and we lost ten excruciating games in a row.  Slowly but surely, the likes of Lucic, Savard, and Ference made their way back to the ice and beat the Canadiens a week ago in Montreal.  Three more wins after that, and the B’s are right back in the thick of it, seventh place in the conference and, for the most part, resting up over the Olympic break.

Baaaack in the saddle agaaaain!

All during the bleak month of January, there was all sort of talk going around… fire Claude Julien, kick Tim Thomas out of goal on a permanent basis, etc… the most interesting storyline was the question of whether or not the B’s should have traded for Ilya Kovalchuk.  Kovie is one of the most natural goal-scorers around and there’s no doubt that that’s the one area that the Bruins are truly lacking.  It’s been a long time since we’ve had a Cam Neely or Bill Guerin, so why not get a guy who can score 40-50 a year without much effort?  Well, we didn’t because he’d have only had been a late-season rental.  The team would have had to have given up a lot of great players (not to mention the all-important Toronto pick in next year’s draft) to get it done for a guy who in all likelihood will not even come back to play in the NHL next year; rumor has it he’ll go pick up a huge contract back in Russia.  In my opinion, the Bruins have actually built a great team that only needs a fire lit under them – or that high draft pick next season – to finally get back into the Stanley Cup Finals.  And believe me, that’ll be a sight to see.

My only hope is that the coming break doesn’t mess up any new rhythm the guys have.  They’ve finally started winning again, and it feels good.  We’ve got a lot of guys in the Olympics, but it’s the rest of the team getting their rest that makes me more optimistic than not.  At this point, all we need to do is make the playoffs… sometimes, crazy things happen when you’re there.

If you like Bruins blogging, go check out HubHockey.  It’s not the best written, but like NoMaas does for the Yankees, it’s funny, smart, and goes against the grain from time to time.  It also helps that it’s probably the only Bruins blog that is actually updated every game.  And check out the fight log!!

Click Here to Play the Game

I was recently introduced to a very addictive Flash game.  At first glance, it might look boring, but play a couple of rounds and you’re probably going to be hooked.  It’s just a simple aim-and-click game where you shoot baskets.  Might not look so tough, but if you like to actually play basketball, you’re going to see how realistic it feels.  Not to mention maddeningly frustrating.

... but Sega Genesis has Blast Processing.

Yeah, that’s it.  But things get better… because it’s multiplayer.  You can play the game with plenty of other people online, but like most online games, people are going to figure out a way to cheat.  Therefore, it’s more fun to play with people you know, or at least the ones who don’t cheat.  Essentially, it’s like playing Diablo.  That’s why I set up a room for the good people of NP1 Nation to play together.

When it comes down to it, this basketball game is a lot like the old classics “Gorillas” and “Scorched Earth” without angles and wind to judge.  Just pick a trajectory and let ‘er rip.  Scoring is simple enough, as the ball is placed in a random spot and it’s worth more depending on where the ball is placed.  If it goes in “nothing but net” it’s multiplied by two.  You have two minutes to score as much as you can.

Baines for two!

Hope I see some new high scores soon.  Good luck, suckers!

(PS, Fran pointed out how the scoring works because I’m rather oblivious.)

Yesterday’s Winter Classic was a lot of fun to watch.  I’m not so sure I would have said that if the Bruins didn’t win, though.

Dennis Wideman outruns the Flyers

The game itself was a lot of fun to watch.  Both the Bruins and the Flyers really went at it from the get-go, including the fight between Shawn Thornton and Dan Carcillo.  It was cool to watch the players try to adjust to playing weird bounces and the elements, although everyone said the ice was in perfect shape for a game.  And of course, the late-game comeback thanks to a clutch goal from Mark Recchi and the “walk-off” goal from Marco Sturm to avoid the god-damned shootout.

Presentation, though, left plenty to be desired, both from Fenway and NBC.  I was disappointed to see that they didn’t add seats on the field.  Essentially, the only good seats available were on the first and third base lines, and even then, you were getting the end-view of the game.  I can’t hold it against them, though.  The Fenway grounds crew is damn good, and they probably didn’t want so many fans treading all over the place.

As for NBC, don’t get me started.  Since the game was taking place in a baseball park, they had to get Bob Costas to host the thing.  Then they had to spend all sorts of time talking about the park and the Red Sox, and the whole first period was full of references to “ground rule doubles,” “knucklers,” and other corny lines.   It was good to see Mike Milbury, though, so put all of that together and it’s as if I was watching on NESN anyway.  Also, seeing the 5′5″ Darren Pang interview a 6′9″-plus-skates Zdeno Chara is hilarious.

And I’m going to have to get my hands on one of these hats:

Nice touque, eh?

Pretty soon, the NHL is going to shut down for the Olympics, so we’ll have what will boil down to being a two-week All-Star break.  Glad to see that Tim Thomas will be in goal for the USA.